101 is our year! 102... 103... 104... 105... 106?

TEXT

A 2011 Chicago Cubs season preview by lifelong Cubs fan Hookers or Cake

 The Good, The Bad and The Worry

1B - Carlos Pena

The Good - Left handed - Gold Glove - power bat. Lifetime .351 OBP  - clubhouse guy - hits well in big spots - hits 30 homeruns in his sleep - only signed to a one year deal.

The Bad - Hit .196 last year… thats right ONE NINE SIX! Lifetime .241 hitter Hit .206 on the road the last 3 years - may have to bat 4th to break up RH Byrd & RH Rameriez

The Worry - That Pena hits .251 with 38 homeruns Hendry signs him to a 7 year contract.

2B - Darwin Barney

The Good: I like him - a shortstop by trade he’s a nice, natural fielder with quick feet and a good arm - a hustler and only 25 - a winner

The Bad: not a plus with the bat or a base stealer - comes from a family of Dentists

The Worry: He’s from Portland and went to OSU so Deadspin.com will publish a pic of him leaving a head shop with a florescent orange 6 foot gravity bong by the break.

SS - Starlin Castro

The Good - Great Defense - Looks like he may become a big bat and a base stealing threat - future all-star - turned 21 on March 24th. only 21!

The Bad - Seems like a bit of a showboat - takes too many gambles in the field - might not have a high baseball IQ

The Worry - puts on 20 lbs and starts hanging out with Sammy Sosa

3B - Aramiz Ramirez

The Good - All around good hitter and still has a bit of hose at the hot corner.

The Bad - Looks old and slow at 3B - crapped the bed in the 1st half last year

The Worry - that he’s really 39 and can’t get around on a fastball anymore - ala George “Taco” Bell (ask a White Sox fan) 

C - Geo Soto

The Good - The 2008 Rookie of the year - slimmed down and bounced back last year from a horrid 2009 - Calls a good game and his arm looks strong after offseason shoulder scope. His .890 OPS led all catchers last year. Increased his walk % each year.

The Bad - Gets dinged up - only 100 or so games each of the last 2 seasons - might be tempted to bat him 3rd but he’s slower than Dick Bavetta.

The Worry - That he gets so thick in the britches that he becomes a lowrider pin-up.

The BenchJeff Baker & Blake Dewitt 

They will back up 2cnd & 3rd with Baker seeing 1B and emergency OF duty. Baker hits lefties pretty good which is lucky cuz he sure as fuck can’t hit righties. Bakers luck continues as DeWitt flat out can’t hit anything - DeWitt’s main claim to fame is he’s a lefty who tries hard… but so was Hellen Keller and she couldn’t hit a breaking either.

Both Baker & DeWitt are nothing special at 2cnd and winceable at 3rd. Paging Josh Vitters.

C- Koyie Hill 

 If you poke around it won’t take you very long to find out we lost in 2010 because of Koyie Hill. I kid - I kid! But holy shit do Cubs fans hate them some Koyie Hill - maybe its because he’s a ginger or maybe its because his reattached fingers creep out the ladies… whatever the case if Soto goes down for 15 or more expect Wellington Castillio to come up to save the day.

Overall outlook

The infield isn’t that much diferent than last year. The defense might be a little better. The real hope is Castro takes a big step and that Pena just had a bad year in Tampa. Old 1B D. Lee was actually a better bat last year than Pena and I don’t think anyone has fond memories of Lee’s season. Both D. Lee and Pena can pick it so I don’t see any upgrade there.

It pretty much all boils down to Ramirez, if he is no longer a middle of the order hitter he needs to go. I hate to say it. I love him and he was a sweet and tender lover of mine for 6 solid years but he cost us a lot last year and he’s getting worse by the minute at 3rd.

Tomorrow - The Outfield  IE. What to do with Sori(fuckin’)ano.


50 notes

  1. cubs531 reblogged this from fuckyeahcubs
  2. collection724 reblogged this from hookersorcake
  3. jimmythemustascheman reblogged this from hookersorcake
  4. hookersorcake reblogged this from fuckyeahcubs and added:
    Attention baseball fans - writers - mescaline crazed poets!!! If you want to write/post for Fuck Yeah Cubs email bosjade...
  5. fuckyeahcubs posted this